


The Answer

by yeppisode



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Emotional Constipation, M/M, Slow Burn, confused!hendery, dramatic wayv, heavy drinker!xiaojun, lightweight!hendery, messed!xiaojun, well threesome!kuntenyang only mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25421659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeppisode/pseuds/yeppisode
Summary: His grunt was amused, this time agreed because the one who felt the madness of cold chemistry between Guanheng and Dejun was only Qian Kun. Lucas might be yes because Guanheng talked a lot to him, and his words a long time ago, slipped.Dakjeun talked to me a few things, he said—oh my, my mouth! Sorry Kunhang, I can't talk much about details. Okay, back your story—But apart from that, no. With Sicheng being the most lazy of meddling in other people's business, as well as the youngest Yangyang thought shortly that Guanheng was trying to denial with his feelings, and Yongqin who was not that sensitive to the problem between the two, it was clear the crazy one was Qian Kun.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Liu Yang Yang/Qian Kun, Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Kudos: 22





	1. 0.1 +Not too close, not too far. Keeping that distance apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavy drinker Xiaojun seems interesting but the fact i wrote and finished this before i know Hendery is a lightweight... my brain make that up. That's sexc. Lmao. Probably this fic is me trying to pair xiaodery with my last term psychology class JDSJDSJD. Also i do their standard chinese name for narration, and xiaodery seems call each other with their standard chinese name too, so i made that on one point, they just called each other with that, lol. Hope y'all enjoy this!

If we could say, Guanheng and Dejun initially were not that close. They were first truly acquainted when the two were chosen together to become the next generation of the company project, together with one of the trainees who came from Germany even though—surprisingly, he was a native Taiwanese. Yes, Liu Yangyang is the link between the two.

"Hello, my name is Huang Guanheng, originally from Beijing," is not entirely true, but he has one or two reasons that cause him to prefer to mention the city where he spends his time studying and being recruited by companies than Macau, where he was born and his family resides. "I hope we’ll getting along well."

Hands shook, the smaller man in front of him smiled faintly in reply. "My name is Xiao Dejun, originally from Guandong," the Cantonese accent was clearly still felt, Guanheng was aware of that. Ah, no matter how far he runs from Macau and everything around him, he will definitely be trapped again. He thought wryly considering Xuxi, his new cousin he had only identified in the past two years. We will save this story later. "Please help— _gēgē_?"

"Just call me Kunhang," immediately changed to Cantonese, his smile broke when he saw the identity sheets of the two on the training room table. "I was born in September."

"Okay, Kunhang!" Dejun's smile widened when Guanheng changed the accent that was clearly too familiar in his ears. He was born and raised with Cantonese.

And from that simple introduction, he never expected that he and Dejun would grow to this close. He should have predicted the two would end up in the same group, but not this close. Starting with the youngest—Yangyang, who manipulated in such a way as to be able to be alone even though he got a small room, automatically made them both roommates. With Kun and Xuxi who were already in the same room after Jungwoo moved to the dormitory of one of the sub group units in the middle of the year, preparing for additional members.

And it also starts from their incompatibility which becomes a magnet and the reason the two are getting closer. With Dejun who is having a hobby to combining all random food ingredients—and Guanheng with his adventurous spirit.

He often mocked Dejun with his fondness for vanilla ice cream mixed with _Lao Gan Ma_ —but in the end only the two of them enjoyed the surprising combination every weekend. Even though Guanheng had diarrhea in the morning; but no problem, his tongue began to get used to and become the thing he craved first.

Or with Dejun who doesn't really like banana milk—and all of Guanheng's obsession with the milk. Beginning from Guanheng, who normally supplies two packs of milk every week, and Dejun, who just woke up that afternoon, was caught red-handed accidentally drinking the milk. Eventually it became another habit, after training to drink the milk.

The two of them began to grow together for almost a year, without realizing it. Also with a strange feeling that is growing when Guanheng is with Dejun. The first time he _saw_ Dejun was when the two of them took a photo shoot for their upcoming debut—it felt wrong to want Dejun not to have to debut; so that his beauty can only be enjoyed by Guanheng.

Shook his head slowly, chasing away that insolent thought.

"Enchanted, huh?" Yangyang teased. Indeed, only he who dared to disturb Guanheng.

"You’re noisy," Guanheng murmured. But his face flushed faintly. "Don't pretend to know about me."

"Why would I know if everything was read easily, stupid." Yangyang tapped Guanheng's head. This child, indeed doesn’t want to respect a little with the older. "I can't help with your feelings, but remember. We're debuting soon. Think carefully."

That thought made Guanheng stunned for most of his time. Also aware of Dejun who started to avoiding him after their debut. Completely lost, especially after their roommates changed. Dejun became close to everyone. Everyone besides Guanheng.

His head was dizzy, every Guanheng tried to come closer and ask, the only answer he got was, "Remember what happened that night, Hendery." Dejun was not even interested in calling him by his birth name as before.

Dejun clearly kept his distance from him. Without Guanheng knowing what he is doing wrong. That night? Is there a night where Guanheng did something?

Swallowing aspirin, dizziness plagued him even worse. What is wrong with him? Dejun was clearly close to him, but his mental was too far away, even if only for him to see.

Why did everything happen when he realized his feelings?

Or maybe this is just his feeling? But with all the fan comments that appear on the forums that are read, questioning why Guanheng is close to all, Dejun too. Close to everything other than both. This problem seems too obvious, even though they just debuted two months ago.

Guanheng thought that this was clearly a serious problem, whether for the continuation of group work, as well as the work of his brain which was getting harder to guess.

He tried to pull the tangled string, but nothing. He doesn't remember anything. His last memory with Dejun was when the new year both decided to have a drink with the members—and celebrate Yangyang who finally stepped on his twenty path. The last day both are roommates. That’s it. Wake up with both of them hugging. But isn't that normal? Both of them were close to the stage where they cuddled more often.

_No homo, bro._

"Try to remember again. I remember after that night, Dakjeun became silent for almost three days." Kun broke the silence between them. Today, Guanheng decided to mess up Kun's and Lucas's plans to try a café that had just opened a booth near where they lived. Running away, rather than having to be alone in the dorm with Xiaojun, who is currently in no mood for anything other than a bed. Guanheng is also not interested in talking with stones.

"Seriously, _gē_ ," Guanheng complained while lying face down on the table. "You know how stupid I am to remember when alcohol has taken me away."

"That's why," this time Xuxi took over. "Drink according to the limit, don't go too far. Just because Dakjeun has good limits, you come along."

"How did I know he was that good!" The café almost became noisy because Guanheng almost doused Xuxi with a cold americano in front of him. "My head is about to explode. Why is my love life always pathetic?"

"Because you yourself are also pathetic," Kun taunted, sipping his lemonade casually. "If your memories aren't this sad, maybe a month ago you were dating Dakjeun." He added. Indeed, they had been talking with the Cantonese, considering their current status as workers in the entertainment industry. Kun himself with standard mandarin, despite calling Dejun in Cantonese. He understood a little even though he couldn’t reply with the same accent.

Sighing, Guanheng gulped his americano furious. Complaining why his alcohol limit is so sad. No, it's not a matter of pride. But this is more how he regrets alcohol affects his brain too quickly. He should have been drinking beer or soju that night just like the others, not taking part in drinking bourbon like Dejun and Xuxi.

He doesn’t care about social construction. During this time he had never questioned the limit that is not so bad. For him, alcohol is not a means of proving self-virility, it is self-satisfaction, escape. Anyway, things are deliberately designed so that he does not go too far.

Well, being the human, if even there are limits we become ignorant, what if it disappears without a trace?

Sigh, again. In the end he also asked Kun to ask, persuade Dejun to talk a little, at least want to explain the reasons behind his silence. Kun nodded, also agreeing because he was tired of Dejun's stubbornness, and Guanheng, who had normally behaved out of reason, since Dejun had avoided him, had gotten even stranger.

He just wants a ‘ _peaceful_ ’ group, is that how difficult his request is?

Ah, romance problems are really complicated. Kun himself was dizzy thinking about it.


	2. 0.2 +It's really difficult, wondering what I am to you.

That morning was welcomed by Guanheng who felt lonely in the room. There is no Dejun who, despite being evading, is still diligent as a their living alarm. Maybe because of habit, because if not, this house can't wake up without his intervention. This means that today there is no schedule, other than routine training. He thought happily, could at least be more relaxed.

Checking the sticky notes that Yongqin used to put when he wanted to come out, then groaned when he found the sticky notes with some Korean that was clearly written hurriedly; _I was called by a company with Xuxi, maybe will back in the evening_.

He spent ten minutes daydreaming, half-consciously staring at the action figure sitting peacefully on his desk— _Wait a minute_.

Someone was sitting on his desk for real, but clearly it wasn't his collection. The collection could not be that big and sat with one leg folded.

"Dakjeun?"

"Hm?" Reply to the figure. Oh—yes, _that's right_ , that's Dejun. Is there a schedule today? As he recalled with his big head, really, no. "Have you finished daydreaming?"

"...yes?" Guanheng rubbed his eyes softly, still adjusting to the sunlight shining down on the room, and Dejun—is he already in heaven? Dejun looks too beautiful with white light reflected on his figure who only wears a sweater and pants are too short.

_Gosh, thighs._

"Get up," his tone was still quite cold, but Guanheng didn’t protest because Dejun started talking to him alone was a miracle. Usually he just woke up with a body pat. The feet of the man who was born in Macau touched the floor which was quite cold because of the air conditioner. "We have to talk, because Kun- _gē_ is so noisy that he says the group will go crazy with my behavior," sighed, Dejun's lips pursed. "Even though it's only been two months, hyperbolic."

Guanheng clearly woke up straight away, surprised by Dejun's statement that felt flat. "Is he seriously complaining the group will go crazy with your behavior or is it because he himself is going crazy?" His grunt was amused, this time agreed because the one who felt the madness of cold chemistry between Guanheng and Dejun was only Qian Kun. Lucas might be yes because Guanheng talked a lot to him, and his words a long time ago, slipped.

_Dakjeun talked to me a few things, he said—oh my, my mouth! Sorry Kunhang, I can't talk much about details. Okay, back your story—_

But apart from that, no. With Sicheng being the most lazy of meddling in other people's business, as well as the youngest Yangyang thought shortly that Guanheng was trying to denial with his feelings, and Yongqin who was not that sensitive to the problem between the two, it was clear the crazy one was Qian Kun.

"There are two possibilities, either he is crazy or also," Dejun's pointed chin was pointing at him, "you have gone crazy too."

Guanheng stood up and approached Dejun so that the two of them faced each other, the younger one sitting in his desk chair, raising his eyes to stare at Dejun. "Then both of them." His hands played Dejun's fingers carefully. "I've never crossed my alcohol limit as long as we know each other, almost a year? I'm a typical person who drinks alcohol with caution."

Dejun was silent, staring at Guanheng. Do not want to interrupt. "I've only lost control twice; once when I first tried it in my eighteenth age, confirmed my limit, and that night."

"I know my self-control is lousy with alcohol which is more than my limit." Guanheng still played Dejun's fingers like a confused kitten. "I really don't remember anything."

This time, Dejun just stared blankly at the head of Guanheng who looked down and played his fingers. "At that time, the same as the night we slept cuddling, tired but feeling extraordinary with all the events that had passed. I have never felt safer than being embraced by you—to be honest.

But that sense of security gnawed at me as your head increasingly entered the recesses of my neck. Your breath is hunting; then you said that I was everything to you in Cantonese. Then kiss me as if I am a broken glass.

I was confused for two months, what do you take me for? I tried to avoid because my brain could not compromise to stop thinking about all your intentions. If in the phrase romance— _this is wrong_ , Guanheng. Not a problem with your feelings, but our situation.”

Guanheng understands, understands too well. Their situation is not that easy to go through relationships. Not only _these_ relationship, relationships that are considered _normal_ by society are quite complicated. That is why he has since been aware that he fell to the Xiao he could only be silent—everything will gonna alright if we are close and always together, even we don't have any status.

But it looks like alcohol messes things up, again.

"I should not have had to drink from the start so that everything remained the same," but as his sister's words in the past were quite imprinted— _face it all like a man, Kunhang!_ —He had to face it all clearly, not caring about the heartbeat that was getting crazy and his head that was dizzy with all the euphoria of romance. "However, this is the truth.

The more I reject reality, the more you stay away, the more torture i’ll get. That's right, the past two months I was going crazy because you were getting away and building invisible walls. I guessed without a firm foundation, falling into uncertain conclusions. I fell for you, Dejun.” Guanheng's hand directed Dejun's hand to cup his jaw, staring at the older one while stroking the back of his hand.

Both eyes stuck, reluctant to look away. Silence whack, leaving the red string connected between the two, tangled and dizzy.

Basically, humans are complicated creatures. Many situations force us to be quiet and secretive, and also honest. But there is something unique about drunk humans—they tend to be more honest. And Dejun believes in that. That's why his brain works harder at thinking about Guanheng's statement.

In theory the psychological approach of the concept of Id, Ego and Superego from Sigmund Freud is also true, humans are more honest when they are on the verge of the boundary between consciousness and unconsciousness or what is often called preconsciousness.

This condition affects humans to sometimes behave strangely, or differ from when they are conscious. This is because in a semi-conscious state, Id—there is no instinctive desire to filter because the position of the Superego— _filter_ is weak. So that what is displayed as behavior is a representation of the Id itself without being filtered.

Let’s make a assumption, Person A would like to say that he hates B. Person. But in his conscious condition, when asked he does not dare to say anything because his superego is holding back—Person B is his best friend so it’s unethical that he expresses his dislike of Person B. He had to cover it up, producing Ego. But when the A is in a phase of preconsciousness, he could have expressed what unrest.

Dejun's thumb stroked Guanheng's jaw, smiling faintly. Guanheng's hand turned to an older waist, raised it slowly and carried it onto his lap. The closer, the thinner, their pointed noses collided—no, the scene you were waiting for would never happen.

Yangyang on the verge of door glared in surprise; clearly awkward because of the strange position of his two brothers. "O-oh!" His tone was normal, but he was clearly shocked because his pupils were enlarged. "I was going to suggest you to eat—but it seems i picked a wrong time..."

Dejun looked, then dropped from Guanheng's lap and acted as if nothing had happened before. Obviously Huang's man in the chair frowned. "Okay, let's eat, Guanheng." He said casually. Yangyang came out first, which Guanheng used to answer the frown on his forehead.

"Dakjeun," he called, when Dejun was on the doorstep. Turning - Dejun raised an eyebrow. "What...does your smile mean? What are we...?"

But the same smile replies him.

Humans are complicated, indeed.


	3. 0.3 +It all went wrong from the beginning, leading up to this danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh... so I forget to say that English is my second language. I've tried to beta-ed this thousand times but maybe there is still mistakes so I am sorry in the advance :( enjoy!

"What are we...?"

It would be a lie if those words weren’t thought of by the thrower of the sentence two weeks ago. Guanheng is still as usual—cheerful and spreading extraordinary behavior, but there are things that change where he more often daydreams when eating, or in the van. It is natural to be quiet and rested, but it is not natural for his band mate because Guanheng is clearly famous for his 24/7 noise with the youngest and the center of the group.

But Dejun looks back to normal, starting to be interested in melting the invisible wall between the two. Maybe we can call this phase the peaceful phase of WayV, remembering everything is back as it should be.

Except for Guanheng's mind which cannot return as it should. Raging, his hands supporting the head, his gaze straight at Dejun who was in the middle of the room practicing his vocals with Kun and Yongqin. His eyes clearly point to the vocal trio, but his mind is only filled with one of them. Dizziness. Maybe this word will describe whatever happened before, now, or the future of Guanheng.

"I feel you two are stranger than before." Yongqin sat next to Guanheng, sipping his favorite milk tea boba. The vocal trio training was over, but Guanheng didn't notice because Dejun was still standing there—staring in the mirror with a blank look. "Silence does not mean I am not aware, Hendery. It is strange to see you two who are that close instead become the north and south poles, then afterwards return close but instead you both seem to lose your true self."

Guanheng only smiled faintly, "I'm not pretending to be secretive, but I don't think it is the right thing to talk about, especially considering that the comeback will be soon."

"Who also asked you to tell me?" Yongqin snorted, "I only tell my opinion, if you want to tell me, go ahead, if not, it doesn't matter either. The problem is in your hands, I have no right to interfere unless you allow it. We have known how long, Hendery? Nearly four years, and you're still acting like I'm going to pry into information like Kun? "

"Hey, I hear you!" Kun, grumbled next to the two—he was filling the mineral water dispenser with a private tumbler. "Besides, about the problem is also Guanheng himself who came and talk to me. I also have the responsibility to ensure that y’all are at peace, in terms of being _better much getting crazy like always._ "

"Kun- _gē_?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it wrong if—" Guanheng paused his question for a moment, watching the room; ah, Dejun, Xuxi, Sicheng, and Yangyang were seen talking to the coach at the end of the room. "...i fall?" His voice got smaller.

_Uhuk._ Kun clearly who was drinking his water choked on the second youngest question in the group. Ten looked at the two, like he was connecting the strings of truth. " _Uhuk—uhuk_! O-of course not."

"We are back as usual," Guanheng opened; he already doesn't care about Yongqin's presence, because sooner or later, everyone will know. Their group consists of only seven individuals, that's a small number—the story will spread faster. After all, talking about sex life is something that is common among men, _men things_ , they said. "We go back to the cuddle routine as before. The intensity has increased, even we reach make out session. Maybe as far as you can imagine, except for intercourse."

Kun's ears were clearly reddened—he was embarrassed because he wasn't so used to talking too freely, unlike the other members. The proof, Yongqin looks relaxed just drinking his boba milk tea, as if Guanheng only tells about his routine. Although not completely wrong. "But we never kissed. It's just a peck. He also never answered my confession, certainty about our relationship."

"You—WHAT?!" Yongqin shouted in surprise at Guanheng's confession. Clearly surprised, he was Huang's roommate, but never knew about this. Also, he, as a free man, understand not kissing with strangers, but this case is different. "You just have all with him but no for kiss?!" He hissed in fast English, after apologizing to the five heads at the end of the room who were shocked by Li's screams.

"He refused!" Guanheng scrambled his long bangs in frustration, His body was dropped wholeheartedly onto the sofa, already like jelly—didn’t have any energy left. "I always try to seduce him by prolonging my kisses, but he is always aware and pushes me slowly to break it. Is falling and my feelings wrong? Two weeks ago he spoke as if my feelings were not wrong—but the situation. Did he know that all of his behavior would indicate that my feeling is wrong? "

"Elaborate." Yongqin was somewhat out of focus because his mandarin was still a bit chaotic. Not a surprise, neither disappoint. He still learning it, though.

"If the situation is wrong—he should behave as normal as before, no need to make out, because the situation is wrong." Kun slowly explained to Yongqin in Korean. "He is in control of himself, and it is clear that whatever he does with Guanheng is based on the consent of both parties, and both parties clearly agree. It's as if he is in the right situation but only uses Guanheng for personal satisfaction."

Yongqin snapped his fingers, "oh! I see. That means the problem is with him, huh?"

"Maybe it's also me," Guanheng interrupted. "We don't know the true story of him."

"Communication, both of you just lack on communication," Kun sighed. Really did not expect damage that happened this big. He clearly knew the story from Dejun's side, but the group leader clearly didn't want to open his mouth—not his right. Better to design both to open mouth with a cool head. "Try to smoke together in the smoking area of the garden, or just on the balcony, or maybe in the room—with the window open and the curtains closed."

"Not in my room, Huang Guanheng," Kun added quickly. "I'm teaching Yangyang to reduce his tobacco consumption."

"He is the youngest but he smoke the most," Yongqin snorted with amusement when he remembered Yangyang. He himself does not smoke for some personal reasons. "Tonight, I moved to the triplets' room. Until an unspecified time."

Guanheng glared, but Yongqin stared back at him killing, "one, I want a peaceful group—second, I want to sleep that is also peaceful; and third, I have a project with Kun. Shut up. I don't want to bother helping you." Snapped Yongqin, even though Guanheng clearly knew how _tsundere_ his brother was on this one. Ah, so thankful he was trapped in this group that shared one brain cell.

"Fourth, you want to try a threesome with Kun- _gē_ and _Ah_ -yang." Said Guanheng jokingly, while running away from Yongqin whose limit was at the tip of a fingernail.

"HUANG GUANHENG!"

_God, I have to be among them for a long time. Give me a little patience._ Kun grimaced, staring at the cat-mouse scene that the incarnation of Yongqin, and Guanheng.

Kun could only hope that his and Yongqin's _little help_ would be good and improve everything.

_Amen._


	4. 0.4 +That moves on your lips, is that what you are really feeling?

Sighing, Guanheng looked at Dejun's empty bed. It's already the seventh day where the two become roommates. This week, their schedule is very busy—recording for their upcoming comeback, as a result no one dares to drink or smoke, keeping their stamina and vocal cords less dangerous. Even their cuddle schedule changed completely.

"Cigarettes?" Guanheng asked when Dejun had just come out of the bathroom, sat across from him and damaged his wet hair. "The recording is finished, right?"

Smiling, Dejun picked up his cellphone. "Pizza?"

"And cuddles?"

"And cuddle." Dejun answered firmly, afterwards opened the delivery application. If you really want to be free from prohibited things, then just go for all, he thought. Then the two fell silent again, with Guanheng not knowing what to say, and Dejun who was ordering a pizza.

Half an hour later, Dejun was already leaning on Guanheng who was half sitting lazily resting on the head of his bed. Together with the fragrant aroma of pizza, the two embraced with Dejun's hands actively feeding one piece in his mouth. Guanheng had not touched the food, he had been inhaling Dejun's mint-scented hair—while also kissing his forehead.

"Not eating?" Dejun asked, looking up, his eyes adorned with curling eyelashes stared at the strangely younger ones. He knew that the two of them had not eaten anything today because they had to finish recording and practice their choreography finalization. His hand offered a slice of his pizza that had been bitten and left in half.

"If it's not fed by you," joked Guanheng, taking a bite of their favorite pizza—sweet potato pizza. The tastes of Korean people are strange, they thought when they first ate it, even though in the end they were in the line of strange people.

Dejun just murmured, his cheeks bulging busy chewing. Guanheng's fingers cleaned the sauce scattered at the corner of the lips. "Eat neatly, you're just like a child," who replied glaring by a man born in August at the end of the decade. Guanheng just chuckled.

Both were silent again, and again. But with Guanheng's hug and a caress on Guanheng's forearm, it was enough for both of them. Guanheng wondered inside, how beautiful would this feel to be within Dejun's reach?

"Dejun," Guanheng called quietly, this time holding a vapor, he inhaled deeply. Dejun's murmur was lulled in the comfort of Guanheng's embrace. "How does it feel to be loved?"

"Too good to be true," Dejun clearly understood where their conversation was going, because his voice was shaking a little. His fingers grasped the younger wrist, directed the vapor filled with Guanheng's strawberry-flavored liquid and sipped it. Smoke danced afterwards, giving the same faint smile as that morning. "Sometimes, it makes you forget that there is no relationship between each other, even forgetting that you should also give the same to him."

Guanheng raised an eyebrow next to him, "So, you never give the same love for me?" He asked curiously. Ignored emotions that began to gather and cool themselves. His head is always chanting, _remember Kun-_ gē _said it must be faced with a cool head, cold head, cool he—damn it!_

"More towards—I should express it as freely as you. Being in the midst of experience a buildup of unprocessed emotions in our systems that need an outlet, it's a tiring. Moreover, we who as idols, must try to put aside all emotions and focus on work. I got used to being quiet and not expressing it clearly.

I became burdened, and stressed. When I'm already stressed, that's when I look for something that can eliminate it. I'm craving for you, tend to be clingy and needy. But when you ask for more, a part of me that is controlled by logic realizes that everything is wrong, everything is wrong, I should hold all my emotions.

Though only a deep kiss, but I believe that this can only be done with someone who has a relationship.” Dejun sighed, then turned around, sat in Guanheng's lap with his head slipping comfortably in the recess of the neck. “Then everything will repeat, like a cycle." It's a sad laugh, Guanheng knows.

The frontal lobe of Guanheng is working more than usual tonight, linking all of Dejun's explanations of returning liquid from the vapor in his grasp. As before—only dizzy can describe how he is now.

Among confused, happy, and... worried. Obviously he was confused absorbing all the information that came without permission, and was happy because he finally found out what Xiao was thinking same about the idea to be together and their feelings.

But no doubt he was quite worried. Dejun needs help. Three weeks with their fairly tight cuddle intensity is proof of how much the cycle affected Dejun that much. With his difficulty releasing emotions, he becomes stressed—and if left unchecked, there will be bad things that might happen in the future.

"Hey," Guanheng's fingers released the vapor from the grip, then touched the hard jaw of the man in his arms. Their eyes collided, with many emotions exchanged. "Everything is gonna alright. Anything that would happen, it's not you against the world. _It's us against the world_. In the end, we are only human, Dejun. Normal to feel any emotions in myself. Normal to me feeling down, and confused with _us_ ," Guanheng could not be more satisfied than saying _us_ this time, because their feelings began to fuse.

"Neither is it normal for you to fall and confusion with all eyes on us. But that is no reason to suppress it." Guanheng kissed Dejun's forehead softly. "Let yourself free. You deserves all of love and happiness. And I here have the right to grant all the rewards of what you deserve from the start."

Dejun smiled—even though his eyes were filled with tears. Honestly, Guanheng felt pain when he saw his favorite eyes producing excessive tears like now. "I felt loved, and I felt loving even it's not enough."

"You deserves all," Guanheng also couldn't hold back his tears. "And I feel enough if it's you loving me." Dejun's fingers cupped Guanheng's jaw, and carried him in a kiss. Really a kiss, not just a peck. Tears are both fused to the older cheek, but both look indifferent or disturbed.

Glaze by soft glaze, both of them begin to lose oxygen. Their kiss was released, even though their forehead and nose were still touching. Breathing hard, Guanheng stared at Dejun without blinking. " _That moves on your lips, is that what you are really feeling? Is this the answer I've been looking for?_ "

Dejun smiled thinly, _that_ smile again. " _This is the answer you've been looking for._ "

And the two of them linked in again, enough to prove everything and pulled their tangled strings slowly though.

_Slowly and surely._


	5. 0.5 +When a person falls in love, he just gets quite shameless.

It's been ten months since everything has returned to its original state, peace at home feels better than being trapped in a strange situation like last time. Well... not all of them _really_ came back. But it is better than the tensions that took place a few months after they debuted.

"For God's sake," Kun squeezed his temples dizzy. He who just woke up and sat in his bed, instead found Guanheng and Dejun kissing on a bed opposite his. It seems that Guanheng didn't sleep all night and woke up Dejun this morning.

Kun could have cooed with the _anomaly_ that happened this morning, but please, don't have to with Guanheng's position half-oppressing Dejun spoiled, and the fingers of those who played everywhere! Especially with Guanheng's habit of only using boxers at home and Dejun's fingers who like to explore.

"Jealous much?" Guanheng, who had finished waking Dejun, grinned. His eyes were still glazed after touching Xiao's underneath. "Go get your man—or _non-labeled man?_ "

"Hendery." Kun snarled as he walked towards the bathroom, clearly angry because he had changed his nickname to Hendery instead of Guanheng like the others. Threatened can only be laughing, while stroking Dejun's mane which is now brownish-growling spoiled hugging Guanheng's half-naked body.

"Hhmm?" Dejun looked up and looked at Guanheng who was laughing in satisfaction, his eyes still closed, half conscious. "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing," Guanheng turned to look at Dejun, who as usual was too beautiful in his eyes, "Wake up, darl. Who said last night that they wanted to practice in the morning, hm?" His fingers stroked the lover's cheek.

_Ah, lover, yes._

The taste is still like a dream when remembering the label between the two even though the label has been stepped on for ten months. A little too much, but he couldn't help feeling that. They don't change the way they did when they were close—only by increasing their intensity of doing intimate things.

And the intensity of doing it regardless of the situation —even though they know the place, anyway. Still it has an irritating effect for five other people who also live in this house.

_Bùyào liǎn_ —shameless, Xuxi cursed wholeheartedly whenever he found the two sharing an affection not knowing the situation.

Usually it was only answered by Dejun's middle finger and Guanheng's laughter, as if he didn't care about Xuxi's miserable laments that were engulfed in unrequited quadrilateral love with other sub-units. After all it was true, and neither of them dodged—nor cared. Only their home is a place where they feel safe and protected from anything.

Because they keep a good distance when outside, maybe tucked twice affection and words that are reasonable for couples. It doesn't matter either, because if it's too far away—everyone will get suspicious. Well, even though their fan base is already suspicious because Guanheng and Dejun stick to all the members, except for each other. Even though in formal and group interviews, it is clear that the two are close—even though they tend to avoid when on work.

Well, as close as their crotch that collides once a week, maintaining a reasonable frequency of mutual and healthy sexual satisfaction. Also as close as their bodies were hugging on their pleasant cuddle nights. Although in public they are as far as Yongqin and fruits.

Nothing that makes a trouble, tho.

With all that they have been through too—providing a pretty good impact for the psychological development of both. Learning from experience, both Guanheng and Dejun developed communication openly and honestly—which Sicheng ridiculed that the principle of their relationship was like an election. Guanheng is also now listening more, not like before who was more fond of guessing and deducing origin. Also Dejun is more free to express his feelings, talk more with fans and Guanheng, or just respond to their group's conversation on the WeChat platform.

Like now, for example. "Guanheeeng," Dejun whimpered, his finger movements on the cellphone screen stopped when his eyes found Guanheng's Weibo post which was just an hour ago uploaded. "Why this one? Why did I become _meimei_?" He protested, while showing a post to Guanheng below him. That's right—Dejun is lying on top of Guanheng on the practice room sofa.

"Hmm." Guanheng seems to be indifferent; his eyes were closed half-consciously—his arms tightly wrapped around Dejun’s hips were comfortable. Both of them were resting because Sicheng complained of thirst, and forced Kun and Yangyang to walk for a moment to the milk tea-flavored beverage shop. Yongqin and Xuxi themselves were only called half an hour ago by the manager, perhaps for another group promotion.

"Guanheeeeng!" Dejun pouted, patting the younger cheeks slowly. "Answer me first!" His tone was clearly annoyed, making Guanheng bother to open his eyes. Can be chaotic if he does not quickly respond to the Xiao.

"Isn't that clear?" Shouts of surprise rang out again, this time Dejun was already under confinement. Guanheng just smirked. "That _'Xiàojùn'_ is the 'Hendery' captain who loses direction when at sea, and 'Hendery' who guides _'Xiàojùn'_ on the mainland—because he never steps on the real land?"

Xiao clearly frowned, realizing that Guanheng intentionally made the _xiǎo mèimei_ lyrics for him because his stage name was _Xiàojùn_ , without any intention. Even though the pronunciation of _xiào_ which becomes the family name and _xiǎo_ which means tiny is clearly far.

"And you are tiny, Dejun," Guanheng added, his head slipping into the neck niches of the man born in August was ignorant. Dejun frowned more, realizing his assumption was also a bit off the mark. Guanheng made fun of him indirectly! "In a good way. You are adorable and beautiful without being made up—" Guanheng kissed Dejun's neck niche slowly and intimately.

"That's why I decided to post them. So everyone knows that you're my _xiǎo_ , yet don't know why because I didn't post your _xiǎo_ side." Guanheng began to rise, kissing Dejun's entire face. "Only I can see my true _Xiàojùn_. Mine."

Dejun felt a strange tingle when Guanheng added the word possession to his name (although again, the pronounce was twisted.) "Guanheng... I think I... twitching right now?"

"Suddenly?" Guanheng clearly laughed when he realized what Dejun meant.

"You're really hot when you say it. Can't help."

"Ooh, little naughty!" the younger picked Dejun up and carried him like a koala. Take it to the cramped bathroom in their training room. Having a little fun isn't a problem, right?

If only Yongqin saw this—his spicy mouth would comment, _when a person falls in love, he just gets quite shameless, ew!_

Well, both Guanheng and Dejun can't help that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... what y'all thinking about this fic?


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